I woke up this morning at 5:54 am knowing that my husband had already arrived to the hospital for his first day as a first year Resident. My heart sank. That's it... our bit of freedom and summer together is officially over. I'm not ready to feel as if I do life by myself again.
My husband is now an employee and no longer a student. He'll be working no less than 60 hours a week for the next 5 years (unless he's on vacation) and is "capped" (a term I use loosely) at 80 hours. Did I mention he's on salary?
My husband now wears a long white coat, a stethoscope around his neck, a reflex hammer, other various "doctor tools", has special keys, keeps his medical license on him at all times, and carries around a pager that rules his our lives. Whether we're ready or not, it's here and it's happening. Welcome to Residency.
A friend made a post on a blog and I'd like to quote parts of that entry. Please know that I did respectfully ask and receive her permission before posting this.
I believe she explains the thoughts and life issues of a Resident's Wife very well.
"we deal with so many lies about medicine like, doctor husband = money, doctor husband = sweet schedule, doctor husband = easy life. and after you hear these lies on repeat, you start to wonder what the truth really is. . . what really happens when that MD gets tacked onto your husband's mail. sometimes it's bliss. but most of the time it's chaos"
"im glad to get things moving again. im ridiculously excited to get some sort of a paycheck. but then there's the majority of my thoughts. ive been bursting into tears randomly throughout the day. something will remind me that my best friend isnt going to be right next to me anymore. that all this incredible time with him is going to disappear."
"what really kills me inside is that im going to have to deal with the hard stuff by myself again."
"the bank account will be just as empty"
".....and so the truth of being a doctor's wife is that you're at the mercy of "the schedule". sometimes that means he's home in time for a birthday party. sometimes it means that you're all alone in a new city with none of your friends around"
"and while it would be so nice to spend our last day together
as a family, orthoman decided that Poker Night
with his new fellow interns wasnt enough.
they're playing golf in the morning and then,
oh yeah, did he forget to mention that one
of the reps is taking everyone out tomorrow night
for a fancy dinner? dammit, i mean it's not like he's
disappearing for the next 5 damn years.
so i guess you could say that truthfully,
im already feeling bitter."
as a family, orthoman decided that Poker Night
with his new fellow interns wasnt enough.
they're playing golf in the morning and then,
oh yeah, did he forget to mention that one
of the reps is taking everyone out tomorrow night
for a fancy dinner? dammit, i mean it's not like he's
disappearing for the next 5 damn years.
so i guess you could say that truthfully,
im already feeling bitter."
"well shit. i guess the truth is just as ugly as the lies."
- Natalie L.
Thank you to Natalie for contributing to today's post.
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2 comments:
Totally honestly, honest, honest, honest- PGY 1 was the hardest year of our marriage.
He did a surgery intern year. By about the 2nd month he was a shadow of his former self. Deep sunken eyes with permanent black circles. He would walk in around 7 pm, fall into bed without even saying hello and was up and gone again at 3 am. That's when he wasn't on call.
I found a potted plant outside the hospital that I would leave a bag behind on call nights. In the bag would be fresh socks, toothbrush and toothpaste, and a plate of cookies. That was all I could do.
I had a new baby at the beginning of that year and 2 other children and the pain around that fatherless year I can't even talk about.
Just get through! It has never been like that again!
I was just browsing online and stumbled across your blog, but I wanted to say I totally understand the loneliness that comes with a husband's crazy, over-intense job. I hope it's going well though, and I'm wishing you all the best.
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